Quotes of the Day

Feud of the Week
"8 MILES OF MOXIE" EMINEM
OCCUPATION: Sells records to disaffected youths by courting controversy

BEST PUNCH: As boys frolic on a bed in the video for his single Just Lose It, Eminem, costumed as Jacko, says, "Come here, little kiddie, on my lap. Guess who's back with a brand-new rap"

MICHAEL "WANNA BE STARTIN' SOMETHIN?" JACKSON
OCCUPATION: Defending his rep on child-molestation charges

BEST PUNCH: Called the video "outrageous and disrespectful," saying "It is one thing to spoof, but it is another to be demeaning and insensitive." Had it pulled from rotation on BET

WINNER: Eminem — the publicity knockout comes just in time for his November album release. Plus, he has already taken out tough guy Moby

Comic Gets Cross, Fires
Usually when the competition's biggest star is accused of abusive sex talk involving a fibrous sponge (see story, this page), you've had a good week. That was before CNN's Crossfire invited on JON STEWART, below left, of Comedy Central's The Daily Show. Hosts Paul Begala and TUCKER CARLSON, below right, expected some light yuks but got a pointed lecture when the fake news anchor likened their political shout-a-thon to "pro wrestling." There followed one of the most uncomfortable talk-TV showdowns since Harvey Pekar did David Letterman. The audience laughed and applauded as Stewart called the stunned hosts "partisan hacks" who were "hurting America" by dumbing down the political discourse. Carlson countered that Stewart had acted like Senator John Kerry's "butt boy" by throwing him softball questions. "You're on CNN," Stewart said. "The show that leads in to me is puppets making crank phone calls." "I was just shocked by how sanctimonious he was," Carlson later told TIME. "I thought, This must be some elaborate routine, and there's going to be a punch line at the end." Which there was, sort of. "You're more fun on your show," Carlson told the comic. Shot back Stewart: "You're as big a [male appendage] on your show as you are on any show." Easy there, guys. That kind of talk can get a TV star sued nowadays.

Give Us Your Jocks, Your Babies...
While hordes of native-born celebs are encouraging Americans to vote, some immigrants of stature are just earning the right. Canadian-born funnyman JIM CARREY says he was motivated to become a U.S. citizen by the upcoming election. Awww ... should we tell Carrey and the other newly minted Yanks that California is not in play?

Pierce Brosnan
Homeland: Ireland

His Americana: Foiled bad guys as Remington Steele; retires to the beach in After the Sunset

Motive: "I want to be able to vote for John Kerry." And we'll choose the next James Bond. Deal?

Pam Anderson
Homeland: Canada

Her Americana: Brought back the one-piece swimsuit on Baywatch and the birthday suit in a sex tape with Tommy Lee

Motive: To vote, she says. Frankly, we blame her ex-beau, überpatriot Kid Rock

Manny Ramirez
Homeland: Dominican Republic

His Americana: The leftfielder's at bats give Red Sox fans reason to live

Motive: He says his parents urged it. He lives in Florida, so, unlike the rest, has swing-state clout

Exiting the No-Sin Zone?
The problem with asserting moral authority nightly on live TV is that inevitably someone will one day challenge it. For Fox News anchor BILL O'REILLY, that time is now. His former producer ANDREA MACKRIS filed a sexual-harassment suit against him last week with some very awkward talking points: Mackris alleges O'Reilly bombarded her with unwanted sex chat in person and by phone, including a fantasy of massaging her with a loofah while sharing a shower in the Caribbean. On his show, O'Reilly, who is suing Mackris for extortion, called her suit "the single most evil thing I have ever experienced." Well, we guess that means Michael Moore is off the hook.

• Rebecca Winters